The Return

I haven’t been here in a very long while.

I have been taking a break. I have been trying to decide if I wanted to continue to blog. There are things I would like to say. Then there are things I say that I shouldn’t say. But I think I will try to get back into it.

I may try and change it up a bit. I’m still trying to decide what in my life warrants a blog post. I am a bit of a downer and I tend to complain alot. I don’t really want that in a blog. Not constantly anyway.  I have a busy life chasing after my kids but I don’t really want to put that in a blog. Not constantly anyway.

Well maybe I will just throw somethings out there and see what happens.

It is the New Year. I purposely waited until now to jump-start this blog. I meant to post yesterday but after staying up until 2 spending a not so quiet night at home with my 3 kids, my rent a kid, my great niece and her mom. Saying an early goodnight to my parents who left because of my mom’s headache, I got up at 6 and made Belgian Waffles for breakfast. I went back to bed, over to the folks for a birthday dinner and the kids and I headed to Toon Town to spend a night in a hotel and waterslide and shop. All thanks to my hubby with whom things would be much better if he were here with us.

There have been alot of things rolling around in my head this last little while. We have lived in PA now for over a year. We have celebrated everything in our house at least once. We are pretty much settled in, so much so that we were able to make room for one more kid. We lucked out. After a few bumps in the beginning we are really happy to have “His Highness” around. The chores around the house aren’t multiplied too greatly with him there, and he assists in making my life easier by agreeing to let the kids stay home with him once in a while as I run errands and taxi service for the other kids.

School remains the same for the kids. As much as school can be the same. I am there everyday doing lunchtime supervision and it has been nice to get to know the other kids in school, spoil my kids by bringing in pizza once in a while and get to know the teachers as well. I still long to do something more, just not sure if I want to plug in time somewhere retail, go to school or whatever else is out there.

Work for Trevor is rolling along. The winter months always seem harder. This past summer they had record production months. But with the cold, frozen ground drilling always becomes slower, they break off more and the drills seem to be down more for repair.

As far as church goes, that is still a whole other story. Trev and I have made a few friends but in many ways we are still on the fringes of this church. The children have noone really to connect with at their age level so my concern is as it has always been. What is there for them to learn and grow in their faith. We have tried a couple other churches around with none of them igniting any spark either. I know that we need to be in a position to give more, be involved more and be open more. It is my struggle now. I still feel guarded in the church I grew up in. My parents were never the sit back and let things happen type people. They ruffled many feathers and as much as this church has grown I know there are still people there who judge not only Mom and Dad but possibly me as well.  I can’t point any fingers but it is something I work through and is often on my mind. And I know there are people from church who will read this and no offense is meant by any of these statements. It is my own personal journey that I work through.

The other personal struggle in my life is my role with my family and mostly with my parents. Since we moved here we have seen a constant and steady decline in my mom’s mental health. Her memory is failing rapidly. She repeats herself to no end and is often depressed and angry and bitter. Now having said all that I have to admit my mother was many of these things my entire life but now with her illness it is much more intense and constant. When she is a good mood, it is a very childlike state. She tries to be funny and joke but she doesn’t quite get how to be. As the only daughter who is here constantly I struggle with how to support and care for her without offending her (which happens often) and how to support my father as well. Dad while healthy is still an old man and can be grumpy and domineering at best and a total a** at his worst. (Christmas was no exception)

So as we continue to adjust to a new home and new life, I find that I am busy caring for my busy active children, caring for my aging parents, caring for a rising athlete away from home for the first time, trying to enjoy my husband’s time at home as much as possible there is little time left for the friendships and social life I was able to build in Yellowknife.  There are times that I miss it. Many times that I wish I had the friendships and time to have parties and morning teas and laid back suppers. But I also know that this is likely not the time in my life when I will have all that. And I am okay with that too.