So I finally did what I had been wanting to do for a long time. I went and visited my mother’s doctor. He confirmed all of my suspicions about her diagnosis. I don’t know if he ever clearly has said to her what she is dealing with or if she has just denied what is going on but needless to say the message that has come back from her was not what I heard. I haven’t told my mom that I went to see him. I never even told my dad. At this point I don’t think there is a need to. The time I spent in his office today was helpful to me and to him and that was really my point in going and hopefully my mom will benefit too.
But I spent the rest of the day going over what we discussed and how that changes my outlook. I am relieved in many ways because although I have been continuously changing how I communicate with my mom over the last several months in preparation for this diagnosis having it confirmed today certainly clarifies somethings in how I make future choices for myself and my family.
As I sat down at the computer I decided to do some research. I had done a bit in the past but now I feel justified. Like I am not trying to self diagnose my mother but can actually go on information given to me by her trusted MD. As I read the info, much of it I have heard before, I became really sad. I can’t say I have ever had a tremendous adult relationship with my mom. She is not an easy person to always trust and get along with but she is my mom and I do remember times when she was healthy. Much healthier than she is now. There were times when she would get down on the floor and really play with the kids. She used to cook at Bible Camp and that wasn’t too long ago. She came back telling stories of how she would go out on the trampoline late at night and giggle like a girl again. I will miss those times that should have and could have been spent with my kids.
When I was with the doctor I suggested he have her office phone her to make an appointment. Since when he checked his computer he had given her sample meds to last a month and then had not done a follow up with her in 7 months. This irritated me but since he is the doctor she trusts I have decided to form a workable relationship with him to benefit my mother. He agreed and within minutes an appointment was set up for this past week. As an aside, my mother now thinks he still the best doctor in town since he cared enough to phone her and set up an appointment. Quietly I smile to myself.
We returned home from Saskatoon last night and Mom and Dad stopped by. I casually inquired about her doctors appointment. She informed me that he doctor had in fact given her a diagnosis. She is now on prescription meds and he is still the best doctor in town because he cars so much for her. I think in many ways my mom is relieved to know what is happening to her mind and her body. Of course she is sad and I think still in a bit of shock but she knew something was happening and while I think she will still continue to live in denial I also believe that we are heading in the right direction in terms of her longtime care.
I will continue to stay in contact with her doctor behind the scenes. I will continue to do whatI can to support my mom as she begins to live with what her future will be like. I hope in the next few weeks to get some quality time in with my dad and see how he is doing with all of this new information. My dad has never accompanied my mom to her doctor. My sister went with her last week and I am unsure how her reaction is to everything. But life goes on and as much as we didn’t plan for this to be so much a part of our lives so soon after moving here, I am thankful to be here just the same. It is a growing experience for both my family and for me and in the end no matter how painful I will be thankful to have this time with my mom and dad.
